As my good friend Y posted on her blog (for those who follow us both), I broke up with K. 2.5 years, a bunch of broken promises, a trip to Hawaii and no proposal. I’ve had enough. So I’m sure most people wonder what happened? What ultimately made me decide to pull the plug? I guess it’s one of those odd things. No one final straw made me decide to end the relationship. It was a culmination of frustration and feeling like I had very little say in the relationship with someone who wanted to control everything that was important to me.
When did all this start? Well I guess we could go back to February 2011. K and I almost broke up, I mean tears were shed on both our parts but even then I felt like this relationship was going nowhere. Every time it seemed like we were taking a step forward, we’d take 3 back. I told K I was getting older and want to get married and have kids in the near future. He said he did too but his definition of near future and mine are different. So we came to what I felt was a reasonable compromise. He was working on defending his dissertation towards the ned of the year. We said ok so since that was his main reason for wanting to wait to get engaged or married, we’d wait till the end of the year. Periodically over the course of the year we’d talk about it and it seemed like we were still on target for the end of the year.
Fast forward to July. For our second anniversary we went to Cape Cod. We had a great time but for some reason I kept thinking it might happen. It didn’t. Before we drove back to NY, he made a huge deal out of wanting to have a picnic in the back yard before we left. He gave this wonderful speech, reached into his pocket and pulled out a Tiffany box. Of course the box was totally the wrong size for a ring and ended up being a bead bracelet so at this point I had gotten a charm bracelet, another charm, a key necklace all from Tiffany but of course not the ring I’d tried on 3 different times including a few weeks before our anniversary. I was upset and had a little meltdown, and then finding out Y got engaged around that time hurt too. While I was thrilled for Y. She and her guy hadn’t been together as long as we had and they were already living together and it felt like at least their relationship was progressing. Somehow I got over it and then we went to Hawaii for my birthday in November. Of course I thought this must be it. Other people thought so too including my mother, friends etc. I mean, we had gone to premarital counseling just to make sure we were in a good position and our relationship was stable. Of course no proposal in Hawaii. Now what really hurt was that when I expressed my disappointment and hurt feelings he said he didn’t understand why I would think he would propose then and that if he proposes when we’re on a trip then fine but he’s going to do it when he’s going to do it. then he kept harping on the fact that he didn’t do anything wrong so he didn’t understand why I was so upset. Totally oblivious to my feelings or even trying to comfort me. So since then things have been fractured and the cracks just kept getting bigger.
Christmas time he was supposed to come over to my mom’s house around 1 or 2. He didn’t show till 7. He gave me this weird clothing steamer as a gift. Dude, your father passed away in December so people would get if you said, I really haven’t had time to think about presents that just buying whatever crap on Christmas Eve. Then he was supposed to come to my place later, I didn’t hear from him for 2 days because he wasn’t feeling well. Guess it’s hard to pick up the phone to send a text or make a 30 second phone call to say that. Finally, Jan 1st rolls around and of course no proposal but a statement “this year, that’s all I’ll say” which by this point means nothing to me, this year what? We’re getting engaged? We’re getting married? I mean in Hawaii he said he thought a wedding this summer would be doable. So I just realized, this wasn’t working and I was tired of putting in so much work and getting nothing. From last February to now I felt like out relationship was in the exact same place. We’d hang out, sometimes he slept over but I didn’t feel any closer to getting engaged. So at one point we argued again right after the new year and he acted like nothing happened after, the way he usually does. He said he wasn’t ready and he wants to make sure because he doesn’t want us to get married and then one of us be unhappy and he never wants to get divorced. I said well the only way you can guarantee not getting divorced would be not ever getting married. So I broke up with him. He kept calling me and asking why I’m doing this. I explained it and he still kept asking because he never listens to me. He kept asking to meet in person to discuss it. I refused. I sent him an email breaking it all down. I had to meet K last night and it was the first time I’d seen him since. He still owes me some money for various reasons. He was half an hour late, as usual. He didn’t say much, we walked to the bank, I deposited the money and he walked with me back to the train. He gave me a hug and that was it. Of course last night I get two texts from him saying he misses me and he loves me. The fact that he didn’t say anything in person when we saw each other just proves even more that we don’t belong together. I’m happy with my decision. I’m moving on with my life. I believe I will get married again when the time is right and to the right person. K wasn’t it.