So now our roommate has been laid off! Only 1 person out of 3 is working in this apartment.
Yea I officially owe $99K in private and federal student loans! Had I been smart and not gone to law school, I would have had a whopping 6K federal student loan debt that even the poorest of bastards could pay off in 1 year….
I’m sure someone is thinking that 10 years down the road, they’ll show me these posts on this very blog and I’ll laugh remembering how dejected I was. I cannot see the light at the end of this tunnel and every time I think it couldn’t get any worse, it does. During my last semester of law school and even during bar study, while I was stressed out and sleep deprived, I was never this depressed. During that period of time I wondered why I was pretty calm, didn’t have too many emotional breakdowns and generally seemed pretty centered. I now understand that this is because it was in preparation for one of the most trying times of my life. I’ve been through a hell of a lot in my life but this time right now–when I’m unemployed, tired, stressed out and broke, in debt with no hope left–is the worst that I can recall. Law school stripped me of my time, money, life, confidence and every identifiable shred of “me”; it put me in debt, made me question my choices, sanity and a host of other things. Please no one ask whether I think law school is worth it since honestly I think most will tell you it was not. For a small fraction of law graduates and practicing attorneys it is worth it. I am not one of them. I doubt I ever will be and even if some how I miraculously passed the bar this summer, there are no guarantees that I will ever get a job. I’m all out of silver linings and rosy outlooks. Life sucks, then you die, enjoy the moments of stray happiness because they are few and far between.
So no project assistant job. I’m “overqualified” yet if I had a JD AND paralegal experience then I might have gotten it. My contact says she thinks they are concerned with the length of time I’d be there and since bar results come in mid-November…no go. Hopefully I’ll get something else. I finally got confirmation that I will not be working in the Criminal Defense Division of Legal Aid. I am however still being considered for the Parole Defense Revocation Unit of Legal Aid so we’ll see how that goes. I just love how much time I wasted going to interviews up until a week before the bar exam not to end up with a 3rd interview or job from there but whatever. Hopefully the other job will come through or something else. These are the breaks, such is life and all that…
Hoping and praying for this project assistant which is generally a paralegal job at WilmerHale. I’ve heard if a do a good job, I might get a staff attorney position out of it. No promises but it has happened. The pay would be good and I’ll definitely keep my resume out there and hopefully I’ll get my passing bar scores in November and more places will be hiring.
Umm so I made it to Phase 1 testing for the FBI. We’ll see how far this goes…
Today is such a weird day. 5 years ago I was a 19 year old college junior. I was still living on campus at Stony Brook but came home pretty frequently since I worked in a hospital in Brooklyn 21 hours a week. This was my last semester living on campus. I was on the phone early in the morning to my then boyfriend D. I got off the phone when it was time for me to get ready to go to class. I walked to the bathroom and one of my suite mates told me a plane had hit one of the twin towers, I thought wow, what’s wrong with that pilot. I went to my first class (probably started at 9). Class was uneventful. My next class was a geology class at 11:10. I got there and only a few students were there. The professor told us another plane had hit and that we wouldn’t have class that day. For awhile I was somewhat calm. Worried about what was going on but not sure who I knew that could be in that area. Then I remembered my dad. My dad and I don’t always get along and have gone a whole year without speaking just because. I remembered that he was working in Manhattan somewhere (he works in construction). I tried to call him, D, my mom, my best friend. I could reach no one. It was like I was trapped on Long Island while God knows what was going on in NYC. I got back to my room and just had the news on, I kept crying I was so scared for my dad. I saw some other students going to give blood at an emergency blood drive. I couldn’t go (I’m anemic). I sat in my room. There were no trains running to get off LI. Finally in the evening someone reached me. I think it was D, he said he was fine and he loved me. I think he spoke to my mom and she and my sister were fine. No one had reached my dad. I kept trying to call on my room phone, my cell phone. Finally I reached him and he was fine. I just couldn’t imagine if something had happened to him. Even though we didn’t get along all the time, I still love my dad. I was relieved that he was ok. I honestly can’t imagine what the people who were close to ground zero went through. It’s a tragedy what happened that day, and even now, I can’t go gawk at ground zero, I feel like it would offend all the souls that died there. It’s hard to believe that it’s been 5 years. I guess it’s hitting me this much because I’ve had school many 9/11 since then and this is my first year where I haven’t had school.
My life sucks! I won’t even ask what else could happen because I know something worse will happen. Last month I went to pay one of my credit card bills and ended up doing it though their website instead of my bank’s. My checking account information didn’t take so they sent for payment from an account that’s been closed for several years. They proceeded to raise my interest rate from 7.99 fixed and 3.99 fixed that I had on a balance transfer till paid off to 29.99% for both!!!!!! I fucking hate chase. I had called about the payment issue and still made the payment on time and asked them to refund the fee. They did it. These assholes will not change my rate back. I spoke to a supervisor and she said I had to write a letter to the correspondence department and see if they will reinstate my rate. If they don’t I’m fucked! I’ll have to get a loan or something because I’m not paying almost $200 in interest every month. I don’t know what I did to deserve this bullshit.
I see so many people making their blogs private, shutting their blogs down etc. because of blog drama. Why can’t people be civilized instead of fighting dirty? I just don’t get why people have to one up each other in the level of filth. Ok you don’t like someone or something that the person said, why trash that person? We’re all adults and sure holding someone accountable for their actions and comments is fine. If someone says something that hurts your feelings or insults you then ok respond, but why must people retaliate? This is just a blog why make this into a war or something? Overreacting is not cool or mature.
Stepping down off of the soapbox now.