Crazy things I’ve said that you might find amusing/useful: 

Posted as a comment on another Xanga blog:

Whenever someone asks you why you didn’t call him/her back when you said you’d call later “Yes I said I’d call you back ‘later’ which does not denote a specific time frame, so essentially ‘later’ could be at any point in time thereafter i.e. later next week, month or year, and I will call you later.” 

My latest motto:

There is a thin line between assertive and bitch, don’t make me cross that line.

On Bitches

I highly respect and actually like REAL bitches i.e. those who are always bitches, they never pretend to be nice, you never have to wonder if today is a good day for them because they are always bitchy and when you see them coming you know you’re in for it. I hate fake bitches who pretend to be nice and then flip on you. At least with a real bitch, you know what to expect.

 On men:

OK if you are sitting down on the train staring at me the whole train ride while I’m standing up, please do not be stupid enough to actually try to talk to me when we get off the train, a man who does this is in my mind a bitch, lacks balls and just like a bitch, I don’t fuck with them. 

This one is priceless:

so there was this guy that used to come in when I worked at this bowling alley in queens (hey it was the summer after my first year of college, lol) so he comes up to the desk one day and he’s looking around like he’s a spy about to transmit confidential info or a man on the run from the police, so anyway he comes up and then says that he knows that my man comes around there and he wants to know if he’s around. So I say no [at this point of course I realize that he was looking all around because he’s a punk, if he had decided that he wanted to step to me regardless of if my man was around or not, I might have respected the fact that he had the balls to do it and maybe I wouldn’t have made the statement that I did]. So he proceeds to tell me that he is “so attracted to me and just had to let me know that he wants me” and of course he says some crap about how he knows I have a man but he just has to let me know how he feels. Umm yeah…. So of course being the smart ass that I’ve always been I reply “you know since you already said that you know I have a man, and I’m really not looking for another one, I have enough friends, and acquaintances so what I really do need is someone who just has money that likes to give it to me, I’m not going to hang out with you, be seen in public with you, not going to have sex with you, not even going to speak to you except when you call me up and say I’ve got some money for you and that it, do you think you want to be that person?”  Of course his answer was “no” and that was the end of that. LOL that is by far one of my favorite comments ever. 

Last Christmas season, I went shopping with a friend for her sister’s present. So we were in one of those electronic stores on Fulton street and some guy comes all the way around to my other side, like a slithering snake, and he’s asking me questions all whispering in my ear (I hate that) so he asks me how old I am or something equally annoying and I go off and say that it’s not his business but what he needs to know is that I’m engaged. So he says some crap like ‘oh so you’re gonna marry the first fool that whisper shit in your ear’ [OK so generally I don’t cause scenes and let shit slide unless you really piss me off, this really offended me because essentially he was saying that I’m an idiot and would just marry any ass that comes my way.] So I swore I must have misheard him, so I say “what?” and of course he repeats what I thought I heard the first time. So being the educated, intelligent, classy person that I am, I start yelling “excuse me, who the fuck do you think you are, you don’t know me or my man so get the fuck out of my face” he says “fuck you” I say “fuck you” he says something about fucking me I respond “you could never be so special” and of course he walks out the store. The store owner chastised me for stooping to Asshole’s level but said that D should feel lucky because not that many women would have acted that way or been so offended by the comment. Yes, I know I’m crazy but when you are offended sometimes you just have to get it out.

ETA: my mom’s wedding was supposed to be Saturday as in 2 days from now, it’s been postponed, no new date yet. Oh how I love my crazy family.