Slower

Hey people!

So we decided to push the wedding back to next summer (2013). We’re not in a rush and things have moved really quickly. We’re still in love, still happy and still engaged. We just want to give our relationship time to grow and to get to know each other better. This will give us more time to save money for the wedding, we’ll get to go on our cruise in July and New Orleans in November.

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Less dramatic

I guess you guys do deserve a less dramatic post re my engagement.

On our 3 date, we went to see Sherlock Holmes 2. During a wedding scene, he turned to me and said we’re getting married June 2013. I kind of ignored it but he kept saying it over the course of a few days so I finally asked if he was serious and he said yes. So last week I realized we spend most of the week together and I don’t want more space. I usually do like having my space. I like when we wake up together even though I practically have to kick him out of bed so he can be at work by 7 and he has me waking up at 6 on Saturdays when he has to work. On his days off the latest we wake up is like 7-7:30. When he’s home he wakes up at 4:30 so 7:30 is late for him.

Any way I realized I was really in love and I knew he felt the same. So on Thursday night I mentioned to him (while refusing to look him in the eye out of fear) that I didn’t think I could wait a year and a half. So he said do you want to get married now, we could go to Atlantic City. I said that’s a little soon, what about summer? He said that sounds good. I looked at my calendar and we had already booked the cruise in July so I said what about 7/14/12 since we leave the next day. He said cool. Then he said let me do this the right way and he asked me to marry him, be with him for richer or poorer in sickness and in health, forever and I said yes.

No ring yet since it was spur of the moment but we’re working on that right now. I should have one in the next few weeks.

So that’s my not exactly romantic, in the conventional sense, proposal.

My parents are happy for me. My dad I thought wouldn’t be happy but he said if I’m happy then he is too. My mom met him finally for a few minutes last night and said that she thinks he’s so cute and tall. Lol and that she sees a different side to me in this relationship and I really look in love.

And P.S. I’m not pregnant. Lol

I always said…

I always said I’d never date a cop or fireman (jobs too dangerous).

I doubted I’d ever date an American guy again (bad experience)

I always said I’d date someone at least a year before getting engaged.

I said I’d never live with a guy again before getting married.

I’d never agree to marry someone who hadn’t met my parents and I hadn’t met his.

I always said these things and more and yet here I am. Engaged after a month of dating. It’s very crazy but it feels right and I know I’m always rational and logical but this time it’s different. I’m letting my heart take the lead but my brain is still in the game. I’m happier than I can ever remember being. I guess I really get “when you know, you just know” now.

Life is good but complicated

I’m happy. My new job is cool. I’ve been here about a month now. Living alone is still great. I’m very happy in my personal life as well. Won’t go into details there. On Monday my final payment will be made to pay off the $21,000 person loan I had to take out to pay off wedding debt, credit card debt from living expenses etc while taking the bar. I was this close to filing bankruptcy in 2007, consulted an attorney and everything then took a chance and Bank of America gave me that loan. I saved my credit (back in the 770-780s) and I’m amazed I got it done in a little over 4 years. God is amazing. That jack hole that owed me some of the money (ex-husband) of course got off the hook but I am blessed and that’s no longer my concern.

Just booked a cruise for July. Going to Key West, Grand Cayman and Jamaica. Doing well with my workouts and ok with eating. Hopefully I’ll be down 20# by then, if not I will be healthier and that is also important.

The End of the Road

As my good friend Y posted on her blog (for those who follow us both), I broke up with K. 2.5 years, a bunch of broken promises, a trip to Hawaii and no proposal. I’ve had enough. So I’m sure most people wonder what happened? What ultimately made me decide to pull the plug? I guess it’s one of those odd things. No one final straw made me decide to end the relationship. It was a culmination of frustration and feeling like I had very little say in the relationship with someone who wanted to control everything that was important to me.

When did all this start? Well I guess we could go back to February 2011. K and I almost broke up, I mean tears were shed on both our parts but even then I felt like this relationship was going nowhere. Every time it seemed like we were taking a step forward, we’d take 3 back. I told K I was getting older and want to get married and have kids in the near future. He said he did too but his definition of near future and mine are different. So we came to what I felt was a reasonable compromise. He was working on defending his dissertation towards the ned of the year. We said ok so since that was his main reason for wanting to wait to get engaged or married, we’d wait till the end of the year. Periodically over the course of the year we’d talk about it and it seemed like we were still on target for the end of the year.

Fast forward to July. For our second anniversary we went to Cape Cod. We had a great time but for some reason I kept thinking it might happen. It didn’t. Before we drove back to NY, he made a huge deal out of wanting to have a picnic in the back yard before we left. He gave this wonderful speech, reached into his pocket and pulled out a Tiffany box. Of course the box was totally the wrong size for a ring and ended up being a bead bracelet so at this point I had gotten a charm bracelet, another charm, a key necklace all from Tiffany but of course not the ring I’d tried on 3 different times including a few weeks before our anniversary. I was upset and had a little meltdown, and then finding out Y got engaged around that time hurt too. While I was thrilled for Y. She and her guy hadn’t been together as long as we had and they were already living together and it felt like at least their relationship was progressing. Somehow I got over it and then we went to Hawaii for my birthday in November. Of course I thought this must be it. Other people thought so too including my mother, friends etc. I mean, we had gone to premarital counseling just to make sure we were in a good position and our relationship was stable. Of course no proposal in Hawaii. Now what really hurt was that when I expressed my disappointment and hurt feelings he said he didn’t understand why I would think he would propose then and that if he proposes when we’re on a trip then fine but he’s going to do it when he’s going to do it. then he kept harping on the fact that he didn’t do anything wrong so he didn’t understand why I was so upset. Totally oblivious to my feelings or even trying to comfort me. So since then things have been fractured and the cracks just kept getting bigger.

Christmas time he was supposed to come over to my mom’s house around 1 or 2. He didn’t show till 7. He gave me this weird clothing steamer as a gift. Dude, your father passed away in December so people would get if you said, I really haven’t had time to think about presents that just buying whatever crap on Christmas Eve. Then he was supposed to come to my place later, I didn’t hear from him for 2 days because he wasn’t feeling well. Guess it’s hard to pick up the phone to send a text or make a 30 second phone call to say that. Finally, Jan 1st rolls around and of course no proposal but a statement “this year, that’s all I’ll say” which by this point means nothing to me, this year what? We’re getting engaged? We’re getting married? I mean in Hawaii he said he thought a wedding this summer would be doable. So I just realized, this wasn’t working and I was tired of putting in so much work and getting nothing. From last February to now I felt like out relationship was in the exact same place. We’d hang out, sometimes he slept over but I didn’t feel any closer to getting engaged. So at one point we argued again right after the new year and he acted like nothing happened after, the way he usually does. He said he wasn’t ready and he wants to make sure because he doesn’t want us to get married and then one of us be unhappy and he never wants to get divorced. I said well the only way you can guarantee not getting divorced would be not ever getting married. So I broke up with him. He kept calling me and asking why I’m doing this. I explained it and he still kept asking because he never listens to me. He kept asking to meet in person to discuss it. I refused. I sent him an email breaking it all down. I had to meet K last night and it was the first time I’d seen him since. He still owes me some money for various reasons. He was half an hour late, as usual. He didn’t say much, we walked to the bank, I deposited the money and he walked with me back to the train. He gave me a hug and that was it. Of course last night I get two texts from him saying he misses me and he loves me. The fact that he didn’t say anything in person when we saw each other just proves even more that we don’t belong together. I’m happy with my decision. I’m moving on with my life. I believe I will get married again when the time is right and to the right person. K wasn’t it.

Fin

Hola!

So K had the committee meeting on Thursday for his dissertation. They approved (or whatever the proper term is) so he has a few changes to make but then it should be published! I was really excited for him.

My big news I can finally disclose…I GOT A NEW JOB! I am very excited about it. I start on 1/3/12. I’m going to be working as an associate general counsel for a bigger company that’s a pseudo-government agency. The salary is good and the benefits are great. My office took it well. One of the partners said to me “I’m going to miss you, what am I going to do without you” lol it was nice. We had our attorney lunch yesterday and it was good.

K and I went on one of those harbor cruises to celebrate his phD being finished and it was fun. At one point though he started tearing up while thinking about his dad. When he recovered, he looked at his phone and it had a message “dad missed call” it was so amazing. I believe in signs. I really think that message was his dad’s way of telling him that he’s ok where he is and K will be ok too.

I get the week off between Christmas and New Years, before I start my new job. I can’t wait to have that week to relax. I may have a spa day or something too. The headaches I’ve had for over a month may be subsiding. I think it may be related to the Nuvaring. I hate how sensitive I am to medication sometimes. I don’t know what I’ll end up doing for birth control now. I’ve seriously tried and hated for one reason or another most forms of birth control. There’s one pill I didn’t mind too much but really can’t imagine remembering to take a pill every day again. I guess we’ll figure it out somehow.

Ah Life

Haven’t posted in awhile, life has been busy busy busy. Work is still work. Partner’s daughter got engaged around Thanksgiving. If you knew the history behind her being hired, the office politics etc you know this was a definite annoyance. I took the high road and congratulated her when I saw her. Can you believe the old 70 or 80 something year old security guard at the court had the nerve to tell me about it and then ask when I’m getting married. Oh he is still on my shit list for that lack of tact and decorum. You don’t ask a 30 year old woman that question like ever.

K’s bday was last Thursday. Pretty eventful. He went out to dinner with his mom, aunt and a few friends and while out got the fateful call, his father passed away. I cried when he told me. Bad enough he didn’t get to see him (father was in Trinidad) but for him to die on K’s bday will be a constant reminder every year, every birthday. There’s family drama re the funeral apparently since his father’s bday would have been this Thursday. Some folks want to bury him that day. K thinks that’s cold. I don’t really get it. I mean he’s gone so the day he gets buried doesn’t seem significant to me.

Still having migraines or at least headaches almost daily. It’s at least been a month. I know I need to have it checked out. Working out is going well. The Butt Bible is still cracking me up but keeping me engaged. Life is moving along.

Busy, busy, busy

I’ve been pretty busy lately. Lots going on. Somethings look like they’re going well and others going better.

I had my annual appointment with my gyn. I love this practice. I was in and out in under an hour. My old practice, I actually would have to schedule my appointments for a day off because I would sit there for half a day. This place doesn’t make me pay a co-pay at all, since apparently my insurance allows 1 well woman visit annually. The old office tried to tell me they count as specialists so I had to pay the higher copay (I told them hell no on that one). This office calls me with test results so I don’t have to come in just to hear everything is fine. I think my gyn thinks I’m crazy because of some of my requests like for blood type testing and every year I tell her to test me for every STD known to man and HIV. She made me laugh today saying, but you have a boyfriend, we did HIV last year. I said yeah and I had a husband who cheated and got someone else pregnant. lol I may seem paranoid but I consider myself vigilant.

Other than that, trying to figure out if i can get this condo after all. It’s so dang complicated. K’s not doing too well since his dad’s condition is worse.

Back

So I’m back from Hawaii. The trip was fun and restful although I woke up by 6:30 almost every morning. LOL the jet lag is kind of kicking my butt however I did make it into work today. I definitely had a headache in the afternoon but I hung in there. I got some really good news on my actual birthday which was really cool. Still can’t disclose it till everything is totally official.

We went to lots of beaches, did some shopping, took a helicopter tour and went to a Luau. The helicopter tour and Luau were on my actual birthday. Of course on the plane ride, dude tells the cabin crew it’s my birthday and they make an announcement over the PA system including that the trip is for my 30th birthday. lol later on when we were at the Luau the biggest Hawaiian dancer pulls me up and makes me dance with him, of course dude records the whole thing on him phone. I couldn’t believe it.

There are way too many chickens and roosters in Kauai. They crow all day long! We even saw a duel between two roosters. LOL

All in all, we had a great time, had wonderful food and met nice people. I’m now back at home, completely unpacked (made sure we did laundry the day before we left to come home). Pics will be up on facebook by the weekend for those who are friends with me there.

Big 3-0: best birthday ever?

So much going on right now. I fully moved in last weekend. That was rough. K was at homecoming in Atlanta so it was my mom, dad, little sister and I. My dad took me to rent a uhaul, drove it and we all helped pack and unload it. By 1:30 Sunday I had an apartment full of stuff. I spent hours unpacking clothes and shoes. Little by little I’ve unpacked and reorganized and now I just have a box of mugs and glasses and another bin with miscellaneous stuff left.

We leave for Hawaii Sunday. I’m super excited! I have some other exciting potential news but i’ll save any announcements till it’s definite.

Love living alone. First night was a little lonely especially with no tv and limited Internet on my phone and iPad. The phone, cable and Internet were installed yesterday. Tonight is our 4th counseling session. We’re supposed to go over some financial worksheets tonight. We may have one more session when we get back. We’ll find out later.

So many things up in the air right now but enough to make this potentially my best birthday ever. New apartment with potential to be new condo, new relationship with my dad, and two other possibles. No one be dumb and ask if it involves a bambino, the answer is hell no! Lol